This morning I happened to come across of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Very interesting, I thought. And very true. According to this table, we only move to the next level of needs once the previous ones have been satisfied. Let's say if you are trying to write a book or to find your calling in becoming an ideal parent or to study the Buddhist philosophy, it should indicate that you don't have to worry about bread winning or getting a shelter for tonight. It should mean that you have a decent job, a good family, a safe home and enough money to keep it all this way, right? It means that your basic needs are covered and you can go ahead exploring other avenues of self-development that potentially can lead to great achievements.
So does this means that if someone is already at the top of the pyramid, they can never slip back? Yes, they can...Nothing is safe in this life - nothing! And what happened to my best friend in February of this year unfortunately just confirms this fact.
My friend (I'll call her Jenn) is a very bright and beautiful young woman. Whatever she did in her life - she always achieved the highest possible score, got awards, was always at the top of her class in every school she'd ever attended. She has always had a nice love life because as I said she is pretty and men like her. When she was 23 she married a handsome young man who was two years younger than her and they had a beautiful baby girl Mary. Jenn got very lucky and right after she had her baby, she landed an amazingly nice job given she was recent college grad. So she could not stay home with the baby , she took the job which included 50% international travel. She got to travel to major European cities, to participate in nice receptions and attend gala events most people could only dream about. She also got an amazingly rare chance to learn marketing from the leading marketing professionals in the industry and got paid princely for that. A dream come true! People envied her. Every time she came back from yet another international business trip, she was picked up from the airport by her loving family :husband and daughter who were always there - waiting for her, making her feel loved and missed. They always made welcoming gifts too. Her daughter Mary was the one missing her most though. Every time Jenn was about to leave for another trip, her little one would beg her to stay and spend time with her. But Jenn could never stay. She always promised her daughter that next time she would be home longer and they would spend more time together. Time flew. Jenn's daughter was growing up without her. Jenn loved her Mary a lot, missed her terribly and truly tried to spend every minute at home with her doing projects, going places, reading books and watching movies together. Jenn always planned to find another position and quit traveling. Finally it happened. All these years of her crazy travels and constant networking seemed to start paying off. She was now very experienced and had enough connections to land a key position in the Head Quarters in her home town. She had it all - success, experience, beauty, excellent health and most importantly her loving family!
The new job started in January. She called me as always happy and full of life, all excited about her new bright future and all the plans she had with her daughter. We talked for two hours. Jenn told me she finally signed Mary up for French lessons, she'd wanted to take for years but nobody was available to take her.
She also mentioned a pottery class which they planned to take together at the beginning of February..
It was February 7 8:35 a.m.. My cell phone rang. I had to look for it first, so I did not have time to glance at a caller ID. When I said" hallo", I heard a desperate whisper: " Anna, Anna...Mary is DEAD!!!!!" Even though I could not recognize the voice , I immediately realized that it was not a joke.. I just helplessly said: "what? who is this?" and then the old lady's voice said: "me..!" And then it screamed :"ME,ME, ME-e-e-e-!!! I made myself believe that it was Jenn which meant that her Mary was dead! The love of her life , the apple of her eye, the whole meaning of her existence!
Jenn could not talk to me any more, she became hysterical and could not stop screaming. Her mom took the phone away from her and promised to call me back in half an hour. She called me three hours later at work. She said Jenn got an injection and was sleeping and then she explained what happened.
According to her, Mary while playing at her home gym got trapped in the equipment and suffocated. Jenn was the one who found her...
I called Jenn next day to talk. The first thing she said: "Anna, please, please help me out of this nightmare!! Please tell me you know what to do! Please! I'll do ANYTHING!! Oh, my soul hurts , it hurts so bad!! I can't take the pain any more! How can I keep living without her?!! My Mary is gone, GONE, GONE, GONE!!!!"
I still talk to her every week. We live in different countries now but we still keep in touch often, we are the best friends. She is in constant pain every single day. The highlight of her day is to visit Mary's grave and care for the flowers and bring her daughter toys. Mary would have turned 10 in July. Jenn goes to the church and prays for her daughter. She also asks God to give her the strength to take the pain. She says she does not have much in common with her husband any more. She does not care about her job and her house. She does not want good health. She just wants HER MARY BACK....That's all.
Just one need left.... The vital one...
I hope she will get better someday and be happy again. But right now she is back at the bottom of the Maslow's pyramid struggling for her basic vital need of love of her deceased child...
